Goobye 2008

So my last post of the year, sadly I don't even have anything exciting to share. As tough as this year has been I know it has made me a stronger person, for that I am thankful. I am excited for all the things that 2009 have in store and for the surprises too. I think I really accomplished a lot in 2008. Mostly in the way of finding myself. This was the first year since I have become and mom and an adult, since I had my first child right after turning 19, that I have had time to focus on what I want to do and who I am. Going to school has showed me that I can succeed and helped me find a direction outside of being a mommy and a wife. As hard as it was not to get those jobs, I know that everything happens for a reason. I can't wait to share all the ups and downs that the next year of school has in store as well as the continued journey of trying to enter into my career.

I have to take a moment to thank my mother in law for all that she has done. She devoted her life this last year, more so than any other year, to allow me to do all that I have done in 2008. She based every moment around what I needed to do and put me and my family before herself. Suzanne you are the best, I love being the daughter you never had, and your support means more than I seem to have time to express on a daily basis. And my husband, I know we have had some really tough times, but we survived and I am going into 2009 looking at the glass half full, I love you!!

As for my children, I am a proud mommy, thankful for every moment I have had with my 4 babies. As I watch them grow from babies to little people I can't believe that every day I am succeeding as a parent, not alone but in my part of the job.

So to everyone reading this have a safe and happy new year. Thanks for sharing in my life drama and I will post again next year!!

Looking forward to 2009

So 2009 is only days away. I am so ready for this year to be over. So as I sit I was thinking about what 2009 has in store for me. Not a whole lot yet but here is my small list of what I have to look forward to.

-Dave and I celebrate our 5 year anniversary
-My birthday is on Superbowl Sunday
-I will be 29, this will be the last year of my 20's
-I WILL go skydiving sometime in 2009 (hopefully if the weather is right for my birthday)
-My first born hits the double digits
-I become a full time student taking 12 units at the JC (this up from the 3-6 I took this year)
-My youngest boy goes to kindergarten
-My baby goes to preschool, leaving me with all 4 kids in school

That is all I can think of right now, but yay I have some exciting things ahead. My goal is to get down south to visit my family. I planned to be there for New Years but that didn't pan out at all. So I went this whole year without a visit, except to Magic Mountain with my brother.

Updates for the Year

So this year has been tough in so many ways. The good thing is that so far we have survived and are ready to welcome a new year. I thought I would give a few updates to close out the year. If I miss anything let me know.

As for the job hunt it is officially over. I was disqualified by both departments. The first was Marin County Sheriff and after getting all the way to the prebackround interview, they said I have to work on my credit and they want me to reapply in 6 months. The other I will not say the name, but I did not make it past the oral board interview. Honestly it was such a relief. I thought I wanted to work for this department till I went on the sit in two nights before the interview. It was a horrible experience. The thing is that I was told it is not good to remove yourself from the process so I needed to be let go by the department. Once that letter came it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

So with that I have decided to keep waitressing and focus on school for another year. I took 6 units last semester and as you can see, I got an "A" in both classes. So next semester I am taking 12 units and 10 of the will go towards my degree. By the end of the semester I will be half way to graduating with my AA in Administration of Justice.

The kids had a great first half of the year in school and are ready to take on the second half now. i can't believer that 2009 means that Aiden will start kindergarten in the fall, DJ hits the double digits in March, Dakota is getting a little closer to not needing an aide, and Kylie will start preschool. So by mid 2009 I will have all 4 kids in schools. Sometimes it feels strange not to have a baby in my arms, but it feels great to be pursuing the next step in my life.

Our Holiday

Sorry for my absence, as you can imagine it has been a very busy month. So with the year coming to an end I thought I would sum up the year with a couple pics.

As an early Christmas gift Kylie adopted her own dolly. She named it Sarah.

We celebrated our two December birthdays, Dave's mom and his grandma.

Then Dave and I took Aiden and Kylie bowling. They were so funny and we had a great time.

Then we spent Christmas Eve with the family.

Christmas morning we had the boys, then they left after presents to spend time with their dad.

Then Dave and I spent Christmas night in San Francisco with Aiden and Kylie.

So there you have it, our holiday in photos. Only a few days left in 2008, I can only imagine what it has in store for us.

Christmas Program

The other night Aiden had a Christmas program at his school. I took some video with my camera, but the sound didn't work. So here a a few still shots for you all.

He wasn't so sure at first, but Daddy had a talk with him.

Then he was typical Aiden.

And here is a little singing.

Aiden and his favorite teacher.

And yes I am a little goofy too.

After the program we shared some cookies and headed home. It was a cute little show.

You Forgot Something

So we are sitting down for lunch and Kylie asked her daddy to draw a picture of a dog for her. So Dave draws the head of a dog that honestly looked more like a rabbit. Not that I am really going to criticize, my looked like...well I really don't even know, but it wasn't a dog. He then passes the paper to Kylie and she says, "No daddy the whole body!" So my dear husband rolls his eyes and goes on to draw the rest of the body. He passes it to sweet Kylie yet again and she says' "You forgot something." Dave and I look at eachother across the table a bit concerned about what is going to come next. She takes her crayon and draws a little mark on the dog. We are trying soooo hard not to laugh hysterically while asking what that is that she drew. She replies, "It's where the doggie goes pee pee." So here you go look close to see the penis my daughter added to the drawing. Oh and I should add she also drew the "poop" coming from the butt too. Isn't she adorable?

Another Step Complete

So the call came early this morning. I passed the oral board and I am moving forward to my backround check. When I called the lady back to schedule my prebackround interview I was shocked to find out that they want me to come on Wednesday. Actually they wanted me to come tomorrow but I have to work. So another step out of the way and backround is kind of the peak of the journey. It is all downhill from there. So once again cross you fingers for me and for all of you that may be contacted, BE NICE!! (haha)

Friend

I have this friend that every time I wanna run away brings me back to reality, helps me stay grounded and never fails to make me smile. A friend that has so much patience for my ups and downs even though I am reminded that I am a difficult person on a somewhat regular basis. Sometimes I wonder when my friend will realize that it is not necessary to put up with my crap and run, but for some reason this friend is there to answer the phone almost every time I call.

My stepmom told me growing up that you are better off in life with one true friend that a hundred acquaintances. Granted I have more than one really good friend, this one has made me see what she meant. She was right, having that person there makes so many of the things that come up in a day ok. So I guess I can open my mind to the idea that maybe, just maybe she was right about other things too. (Don't tell her I said that though!!)

Life's Little Suprises, And The Big Ones Too

Life is full of so many surprises...ones that make you laugh, ones that make you cry and some just leave you standing there completely dumbfounded. Last night brought a surprise that left me feeling all of the above. I laugh because with the ways things are going why not have one more crappy thing happen, cry because I am not totally sure how to fix it and dumbfounded because, well I was shocked. So where do you go when you are completely losing everything?? And what do you do when the reason that something so crappy happened is based on a situation that never should have been that way in the first place? When do people realize that you have to do for you children first and realize that you will get to them when you can? And honestly who does this shit to family? We are trying so hard to salvage something, just grasp one little thing, as it all falls apart... and yet we still can't catch a break. So I sit here, surprisingly with a smile, knowing that we will soar over this hurdle too. Plus where would crying get me anyway, no time for makeup running down my face today. Bring it on world, I am ready to take the next surprise head on!!

The First Interview

Ok so for those wondering how the interview went on Wednesday...I was going to wait to post about it cause I honestly don't know and have no idea when they will let me know. Here is what I do know: it only took 15 minutes, not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I think I did well with my answers based on all the advice I got, but who really knows what they are looking for. So if for some reason I bombed this interview, and I would hope not, the bright side is that it was a good practice for the one I have a week from Monday.

Turkey Day!!

How do you spend your Turkey Day? Most do it with family...Dave and I are not most. We decided that taking the little ones camping was more our style. So we drove to Willits and are "roughing it" at the KOA. We have a cute little cabin, right next to the bathrooms, a TV and VCR so the kids don't miss their bedtime movie, and as of right now we have turkey drumsticks on the BBQ. Yep a Dave and Tammy Thanksgiving for sure. So to all you traditional people Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours!!

Resources

I find the more this career searching process moves forward the more exciting it gets. At this point I have participated in quite a few ride-alongs and now I have spent a good amount of time at the police academy volunteering my time. So as the nerves build up I ease my mind with all the new resources I have encountered. It honestly feels great!!

Today I went to class to take my test and then I went to the academy. When I arrived I checked in with the police chief that runs this part of the scenarios and shared my exciting news. He congratulated me and told me to sit down. We talked and he coached me for a half hour on the oral board. Then he decided it would be best for me to dispatch calls for the scenarios so that when I go to my interview next week I can honestly say I have experienced dispatch. I picked it up so fast and was highly praised at the end for my ability to run the calls with only a few minutes of training. So tomorrow I will be back out and getting a little more dispatch experience before I head off to work for the night.

I have been through so much in my life already. As much as I have thoroughly enjoyed every experience and aspect of the road behind me, there really is something so amazing in this experience. I think the past was based on my actions as a partner and now I am doing something that only involves me. I am becoming a successful women, a little more each day, and I am so proud of who I have become.

No Time to Freak Out

So as I mentioned before I passed the test for the first department and I have scheduled my interview for December 8th. Well last night, after a very long and trying day I checked my email to find that I passed the test for the other department too. I was so excited and called to day to schedule the appointment for the interview. Imagine my surprise when the said I am scheduled for next Wednesday. I actually said to the lady om the phone, "That doesn't even give me time to be nervous!" She totally laughed. So things are going in the right direction and it is happening so fast now. Part of me wants to laugh and the other part of me just wants to cry.

So there you have it, I need to go shopping for something to wear. Wish me luck!!!

No Time to Slow Down

I seem to be in this place where happiness collides with insanity. I feel really happy with things yet I feel like I am on this crazy spiral that I can't seem to slow down. I guess as long as I can keep a sincere smile on my face I will do just fine.

I know I say this all the time, but honestly my kids and my friends really are my sanity now a days. They are the things that make my everyday ok, better than ok, they make it great. There is this part of me that loves the unsure feeling of where the next day will take me and another part of me that just wants to know how it will all turn out in the end.

So I spent yet another day out at the academy, today I was playing the the domestic violence scenario. It was seriously so much fun since a friend was playing my "boyfriend". It makes the bickering so much fun when it is someone you know. I am done out there for a few days and will go back for a half day on Friday. I think Friday they are going to let me practice dispatch, woohoo, practice for my future!!

The Latest

Wow it's been a while since I have even logged in...sorry!! I spent the majority of last week doing role playing at the police academy. It was so fun, but acting like a suicidal crazy women really does take an emotional toll after the 26th time. Fortunately they broke it up with a few building searches for me. So I finish my 4 day commitment, but apparently they love me out there and I have been asked to come back tomorrow. This week is the DUI and domestic violence, ha ha sounds fun!!!

So for the good news, I got the letter from the police department to make the test score official. Even better it included my invitation to the oral board interviews the beginning of December. Wow, I know I can't believe it is coming up so fast. I am so excited and scared all at the same time. Other then that I am waiting to hear back from the other department.

So there you have it my life wrapped up in two paragraphs! Hope you are all doing well and I will post again soon.

I Did It!!

I made myself proud yet again. I passed the dispatcher test for the police department. I actually scored in the 80th percentile for the whole state, yeah the whole entire state, it honestly feels really good. So the next step is the oral board interview which will be scheduled when the department is done making some supervisor changes, hopefully not too long.

Other than that I know I have been MIA for a little while. Things have gotten so busy and really stressful. I am trying to manage my emotions in one of the hardest times of my life. I am truly so thankful for my friends, without them I have no idea where I would be. The keep me sane and grounded and help me to remember that I am a really good person, sometimes you just need to know that you are a good person.

Rock the Vote!

Did you vote? I would hope so, cause I hate those who don't vote and then think their voice should be heard when they are bitching about the outcome.

I voted today, and although I voted in a way that got a few people fired up, I stand proud of my vote, my bleiefs and my right to have a say in matters (even if you think I shouldn't). Oh isn't it great to be an American. So I will be one of the many Americans plastered in from of the TV tonight to see where our country goes from here.

So I leave you all with this image and wish you all a happy election day!!

Happy November!

Can you believe that it is November? 2008 is almost over!! To be honest with the bumps in the road of this whole year I am ready to take on anything 2009 has to offer. Although part of me fears anything that could be worse than this year, the other side of me thinks it has to be better.

So now with Thanksgiving on it's way it is time to start to think of all the things you are thankful for.What are you thankful for???

Don't Be My Friend

When I talk to you and confide in you I do so because you are my friend. If I say something that bothers you, then tell me...don't continue to conversate with me as though you are interested, then later come back and say it bothers you. I am many things, but no where on that list have I ever claimed to be a mind reader.

I have made many stupid choices in my life (no doubt there are more to come), all of those choices have brought me to where I am today. Each day I grow and learn something new, and for that I am proud of who I have become. I am thankful for those who have traveled this bumpy road with me. But if the bumps don't fair well with you get off the ride and enjoy your life. If you haven't noticed I am a busy girl and have no time for your crap.

To the rest of you the ride has been a blast and I look forward to traveling the long road with you!! Thanks for your love, support, understanding and most of all your honesty. In return you can all count on my love, support, understanding and honesty too!!

Happiness

What is happiness???

Happiness is 4 kids that love me unconditionally. They make me smile, sometimes laugh, and other times make me want to rip my hair out! They all have that special something that makes them an individual, yet share the best qualities that would make any mommy proud.

Happiness is a husband that has shared with me in some amazing times and some of the hardest times in my whole life. We have laughed, cried, yelled and just sat in silence, but in this moment have found the ability to see why we were brought together as husband and wife.

Happiness is friends who know who you are and love you for that. Those who see you for the good, know you when you are bad, but never walk away. Eleven years ago I saw this girl that I swear was the biggest bitch, I prayed to God she was not going to be my assigned roommate...she was! Now eleven years later I thank her for all the times she was there when I needed a friend, there the laugh and cry over the many husbands (you know you are giggling Sarah), vent and brag about all our children and and who can forget the many moves (but I always found you thanks to "mom"). A little over eight years ago I was in line at the grocery store and I met another friend...and how many hours did we sit on our butts, big and pregnant, eating tuna twist pasta? You were there for me through some hard times, maybe the only person who witnessed "hell" with me. Yet here we are, not the same as we were, but here and growing. Though our friendship has had the ups and downs of the biggest roller coaster in the world, I still love, and I am so thankful you were the one to stand the day I got married (for the 2nd time) as my maid of honor and my best friend.

Happiness is a family, that may not be my own by blood, but has loved me like I am one of them. They have supported me through all the choices I have made, most of all they have made it possible for me to go back to school and pursue a dream.

Happiness is feeling successful. I have been back to school for a over a year and I have surprised myself every step of the way. At this point I have maintained a 4.0 GPA, and I just got an A+ on my midterm. Then the biggest news of all...I took the law enforcement test, a 42 is necessary to puruse the career, I score a 50.2! As much as I struggled in high school, I make myself proud everyday, just to know that I can means so much.

Last, but certainly not least, happiness is life. Some days, weeks, even months are so hard, but when it all comes together it can be so amazing. I am so thankful for all the good things in my life, and thankful that God have always helped me over those speed bumps along the way.

Pre Halloween

We spent our weekend doing pre Halloween stuff so rather than type much I though I would share some pics.

Here are some pictures of our house.

We went trick or treating at the college this weekend too. Here are some pictures of the kids. These are not their real costumes, but they are still cute.

Family Time

This weekend I have the big boys. Their dad needed a weekend to get some stuff done so they are staying home. We have a lot planned so we will stay busy for sure. Yesterday we did our family trip to the pumpkin patch. We started the adventure in the corn maze. this was the first time for the kids. No we are not talking some kiddie maze, this was the real thing. It was long, but we had a system and the kids had a blast. Each time we came to an intersection they took turns deciding where to go. I think the funniest thing was that Kylie kept picking the dead ends and every time there was a scary creature in the dead end, she would scream and come running back our way. That is how we knew it was the wrong way. But no worries she is not traumatized at all. To redeem herself she was the one that led the way out the exit. So then we all went out picked a pumpkin and headed home. Tomorrow we will decorate them.

Tonight Dave and I had sort of a date night. We were though joined by an old friend that honestly is welcome to come on any date night. He was so much fun! Not to mention he came in handy when we ended up at the haunted house. A girl can never have to many men to hide behind when creatures are jumping out and chasing you. We dropped off the friend and headed out to the big corn maze. Thinking we would have to be rescued from the largest maze in Sonoma County, we actually surprised ourselves by making it through in under 15 minutes.

So there you have it, our Halloween Festivities have only just begun.

Stage 1 Complete

Persistence paid off yet again. After resubmitting my application to the department, I already received and email stating they accepted my application an would like me to come down and take their test. So I called and scheduled my test for November 12th. I am so excited that this first stage of the application process is over and I made it to the next step.

So now all I wanted for Christmas this year is to be hired on as a dispatcher at a department. Cross you fingers and wish me luck!!

Almost Disqualified

Last week I applied for a dispatch position at a very highly respected agency. So you can imagine my excitement to already have an email from them. Then I opened the email and realized they were turning my application down. Why? Because not knowing what it meant, I said no to overlapping shifts. I was so bummed and didn't want something that simple to disqualify me. So I called down there and talked to someone. The lady was so nice and I told her that I really wanted to work there. So she went in and released my application so I could change my answer and they could reconsider me. That was close!

Lesson learned: know what things are and what an agency is looking for. Be willing to accommodate them if you want to work there bad enough.

So cross your fingers for me and I will let you know what happens.

The 6 Foot Wall

Today I was at the academy and tried out the physical agility part of the course. I have been seeing a trainer for the past few months to get into better shape. So when it came to the push-ups, crunches, lunges, etc. I was ready. Yes it was hard, but I hung in there and did it better than most. But following the basic PT was my biggest fear, the 6 foot wall. Honestly I am 5 feet and 3 and a half inches tall, I don't just very high either. So how in the world was I gonna make it over this wall? I ran up the first time and barely accomplished anything. Then the instructor gave me some techniques and sent me to try again. I DID IT!! I made it over the wall and not once but 4 times today. I felt like I accomplished something, actually I know I did.

Physically this was a big deal, emotionally this was an even bigger deal. I am struggling so much in my personal life and that 6 foot wall was so symbolic of the barriers in my life and helping me realize that I can do anything I really want to do. I may need to try things and I may fail, but if I look for a new technique and try it again I might just accomplish what I wanted in the end.

Mid-life Crisis??

When exactly does a mid-life crisis happen? Is there an age or just a point in your life? Or is it something similar to when a woman is a little grumpy and men just assume it must be PMS?

Someone suggested to me that I was experiencing "some kind of mid-life crisis". Does the fact that I am trying to find myself after all these years of being someone's wife or the mommy to 4 kids qualify me? Then does that mean that I am going to die at about 60 years old? Honestly these things have puzzled me ever since the comment was made. But honestly I associate mid-life crisis with a hot new car, and God knows that is not anywhere in my near future. So I think if the comment must be made I should really be given that 4x4, 8 inch lifted, big old tires truck I have been wanting. Don't you agree?

So this is where I stand, and yes I am taking a stand. I am continuing to be a good mommy, as good of a wife as I can possibly be, and finding myself. Haven't found me yet, but I think I am headed towards the right road.

Role Play

Sometimes life can be so funny. Little things can happen that can really throw you for a loop...good and bad that is. I have had so many of those moments the last few days, thankfully the good outweigh the bad by far. For that I am thankful to my friends.

Today was an interesting day. I went out to the police academy to do role play for the future police officers, if they pass of course. So they get dispatched to a call and we play out a scenario, the react and are graded by an evaluator. I did sign papers that I cannot talk much about the day, but I can say I had to attempt suicide 6 times...what a place to be emotionally. I was also in a bar scene that was a lot less emotional though. Overall it honestly was a really fun day, I learned so much, yet I also had a chance to see how much I have learned in school. I am taking a criminal procedures class this semester so it benefited me the most in this aspect of my life.

Now I am home, exhausted after a long night. Tomorrow I will be back at the academy, who knows what trouble I will be getting myself into.

Lost

I am in such a funk today. I have so much built up inside that I have to keep inside and I just wanna scream. All these feelings I have to keep inside, but honestly how long does it have to be this way? And why can't people just leave me alone, if I don't want to talk, don't pry. There are certain things that don't involve everyone in my life and chances are I am not going to open up.

My life...just when I think I know what direction I am going everything changes. I know what is in my heart, I know what I truly want, I just really have no idea how to get there. So I will keep searching for the balance and the happiness in those parts of my life they are missing. It is just funny how those I reach out to just push me away and those I need space from won't back away, hmm....maybe that's my problem!

Babies and Tickets

I had the privilege of babysitting a sweet little boy today. I love babies, but I do not want anymore of my own. So a friend was in need of last minute child care and it worked out well with my schedule for the day. He was so sweet and Kylie was just the best assistant babysitter ever.

While we were babysitting we had a visit from a friend I haven't seen much since she moved away. Elina and I have been friends for at least 10 years now. She was this anti baby women when we met, terrified of their germs, annoyed by every sound they made, and now she is one of the most amazing mommies I have ever met. She loves little Ellie like a perfect mommy should. We sat for a while and talked mom talk then headed out for lunch. It was a great morning and afternoon.

Then it happened...I got my first ticket in 7 years. I even tried telling the officer that I was trying to get a job at a police department and I needed to keep my record clean, but the stupid CHP officer didn't care. He did tell me that I was welcome to take driving school online to clear it from my record, wasn't that thoughtful? So my wonderful day turned kinda crappy in an instant.

Now my children are heading out the door to go with Grandma, they are having a little birthday party for Grandpa tonight and I have to work. I'm sure the night will be better then the day ended up.

Where I stand...

My class is making me crazy. I have maintained a 4.0 GPA till now and this class is the first time that my grade depends so much on a group effort. We each have to write a paper on one topic then one person has to combine all the papers to make a final draft. As you can see off to the right under the "How is school going?" list we are not doing all that well. So we have 2 down and 6 to go. I am the only one going full force with every extra credit opportunity, maybe that will make the difference. I know that I cannot have a perfect grade in every class, but it would be nice if I was in control of my grade and not depending on other people.

As for my other class I am doing really well. I have my first out of 2 essays for the semester due this Friday and I feel really good about it. I am also in the midst of trying to plan out what I need to take next semester so I can be prepared to tell any potential employer.

Then I have the news about the job search. I have applied for a dispatcher position at two different police departments. I finally, after about 2 months, got the email I was waiting for. On October 25th I will be taking the POST written test, which will determine whether or not I move forward in the application process. So I could really use the support right now, cross your fingers and wish me luck.

Off

You know those times when you have something you need to say? The words are so clear in you head, but for whatever reason they just don't seem the same when and if they come out. This seems to be the story of my life right now. I have these things in my head that I can't seem to get out. Things that really need to come out, they are important but they are stuck there. So the thought is if I ramble about to to the world maybe then I will solve the problem.

I have the day off today, from work and school. Amazing I know because honestly this is really rare. There is so much I need to get done, but even still it feels like there is not nearly enough time. I have a friend coming over and I really need to see her. She is that friend I can tell anything to. Our schedules are so crazy it is really hard for us to talk. This really should be a good day...something about it is so off for me though.

Oh well, better luck tomorrow I guess.

Pumpkin Patch

It's those little moments you take for granted. The family things you do every year, but when it is a miracle for all the schedules to come together you really appriciate those times. I was supposed to be off work today and we decided that rain or shine we were going to the pumpkin patch. Then the boss told me I had to work and we agreed on a night shift this I didn't have to change my plans. So we did it. We put on our boots and prepared ourselves for a muddy day. It wasn't that bad, no rain and hardly any mud. We climbed hay piles and hoped back down, went through a hay maze, picked out the perfect pumpkins and even milked a cow. Yep the girl from San Diego finally milked a cow. And by the way, for those who have not tried it, it's not like you see in the movies. Oh and it fells really weird too. But now after 28 year I can say I have done it, right?

It was a great morning and now I have to start getting ready for work. I finally got tired of such and unpredictable schedule, I told the bosses that I am no longer available of Thurdays and Fridays. At least now I can have some set days to get the things done around here. Hopefully that will be that start to finding my balance.

Rant

Okay all you parents out there, I have a question for you...Why is it that the days before you leave for a vacation without kids and the days right after you get home have to be so damn hard? It's like the kids go crazy the days before you leave just to make it easier for you to want to get away and then they make it hell when you get home just to pay you back for going. Luckily 3 out of the 4 had school today so I only had my emotional, hormonal, terrible 3 year old daughter to deal with, but oh my goodness that girl can talk. Not to mention whine and cry about EVERYTHING!!!!! I had some errands to get done so we were all over the place today and when we got home I took a much needed nap.

So the rest of our day is at the in laws house. We have invited ourselves over for dinner (I am giggling on the inside at the thought of how much they love when I do that!!). It made it easier on everyone since I have a school function to be at in Santa Rosa at 7pm. It gives me some extra adults to help with the kids and gives the kids a change of scenery.

So thanks for reading my quick little rant. I really needed to vent for a minute, now it is back to the never ending homework for me.

Vacation

Guess I should have listened to the guy at work. He is a regular and always reads me my horoscope. He told me last week that it said I was going to be leaving for a trip but things were gonna go wrong. I never listen to that crap, maybe I should have.

Dave and I went to the houseboat on Lake Shasta for a nice weekend away. We got there Saturday night and took the boat out close to Bridge Bay Marina. We had dinner and just enjoyed a nice, quiet and relaxing weekend. The next morning we pumped out the boat, filled the propane and we were off to find the perfect spot to park for the weekend. Well... as we were cruising along a very obnoxious, high pitched sound went off. We tried desperately to find out why and couldn't. We called my father-in-law and he gave is some suggestions, only to find out that the water pump went out on the out drive. This causes the motor to overheat. So we had to shut it off and float the boat in the middle of the lake. We made some calls for help but not much came of that, at least not for a while. So the thought was to let the boat cool back to 140 degrees where it should be and then we would head back towards the marina. When the temp went back up we would find a place to park the boat for the night in hopes that help would come by morning.

Well we waited, and waited, and waited, checking the temp periodically, like watching a pot boil there seemed to be no change. Not much to do from the middle of the lake. We played games, read some magazines and took a nap. After about 6 hours the temp was finally down. So Dave started the boat and we were on our way. Well we got about 100 feet and the temp was right back up to 240 again. There was smoke coming from the engine and everything. So we had to just wait.

Not long after a boat came from the marina to tow us in and we were stuck in that marina for the rest of our "vacation". Fun right???

I have to say, I realized why Dave and I are together this weekend. Maybe it's because things always seem to go wrong when we are together, but we know how to make the best of it. We can laugh about anything and aside from being stranded and never getting to swim or hike or go shooting, we still had fun. We needed a weekend to remind us what our marriage was all about!!

Where's Waldo...ok Where's Tammy?

So I am off on my weekend away, but not at the "Happiest Place on Earth". That trip has officially been postponed till November. Why? Well because the guilt of not taking our children kinda took over and we decided to wait a little l, plan better and take at least some of the kids with us. Honestly, I don't think I would have enjoyed Disneyland as much as I would have liked to. I am so tired and really just needed a break, time to rest and regroup so I can survive the next month.

So that leaves the question to where am I? Kinda like "Where's Waldo?" Although some of you know where I am let's make a little guessing game out of this. Where do you think I am?? I will post an anwser tomorrow. Hint: I should come home with a nice tan cause the weather is amazing here and I have no kids to interrupt.

Contentment

Yesterday Aiden was very upset with me because I was not going to be home for dinner again. I promised him I would bring him home some chocolate cake we could share to make up for it. Thing is I felt bad with the thought that he would not get to have his cake till the next night while I was back at work yet again. So you can imagine how happy I was when the boss said I could go home early last night. Early...meaning I was cut from the floor at 7:30pm and left at 8pm and home by 8:35pm. My kids were all still awake, in bed (except Aiden), but awake. It has been so long since I have been able to hug my kids goodnight that I made a point of going in a cuddling each one of them. Then I happily went and shared some chocolate cake with Aiden before he was off to bed too. I don't think there are words that can express the contentment (is that even a word? Who knows, I like it!!) I felt being able to tuck them all in.

So this morning it was up and out the door before anyone was awake to be at school at 7:30am. I have felt a little defeated at school because I got a 14/20 on my first essay, all because I forgot to mention the case law in the paper, I referred to it but I didn't specifically state it. I have maintained a 4.0 GPA after 3 semesters and "C" papers are not the way. So can be sure I am going to take up the offer to do any extra credit the teacher offers. Last class he posted that for extra credit we could volunteer to role play at the police academy. So I called and set up my days to role play, 5 days to be exact, yes in my free time. So I had a little confidence boost this morning when I asked if there was extra credit for each day I volunteered and the teacher told me, "We will work something out, not that you need it," this said with a smile. I have taken a class with him before, so he knows me and how much my education means, but this class had a prereq I hadn't taken and I had to petition to get in. He signed off on it for me with the agreement that I would take the prereq class concurrently. So needless to say there is a part of me that feels like I have to prove myself in this class. Oh and by the way I already turned in the second essay and I remembered to add 800 E.C. as the statute in the paper, for those who don't know that is the Opinion Evidence rule in the Evidence Code.

Distracted

Not sure if it because I am so tired or just having an odd week, but last night I was so ADD. We went to the Giants game and it seemed to go from a night at the ball game to more of a "people watching" event, at least for me. It was like every time someone said something anywhere around me my head would spin around to see who was talking. Not because I was nosey or really cared about what they were saying, more because there was this magnetic force turning my head around. Then I couldn't help but watch every single person walk down the stairs. It is really comical to witness. You know that guy that is just trying so hard not to spill his beer, or the one that can't seem to find his seat? Even worse is the fact that everyone seems to be bull-legged as they walk down. Which then made me so self conscious of how I walked down the stairs. Then there was this lady walking up and down holding a sign that said something like "Giants Baseball Games 2008", she went up and down every aisle just like the guys that sell all the peanuts and sodas, with the pagent girl smile. When she came by us the guy next to me asked what she was selling and she didn't even respond, like she was in a trance. And last, but certainly not least, was the guy selling Coke and Crackerjacks, he had a little slip up...he stopped right next to my seat to yell, "Coke and Crack", the he turned really red when he realized his mistake, not to mention the fact that he couldn't even keep a straight face as he walked back by.

So there you have it, see you don't have to like baseball to be amused at the game. Thing is I actually like to go and watch the game, I just couldn't seem to do it this time.

Life In The Fast Lane

I think I actually remember a time when life was somewhat simple. When I knew what was coming from day to day. Being a stay home mom it was so much easier to plan things out and follow through, or to just have those days where you just stayed home. I really thought I missed being at work and out of the house. Don't get me wrong I am not in any way trying to say the life of a stay home mom is simple, just that for me it was simpler than where I am right now.

I have worked the last 4 days and I have to work tonight. I finally have a day off tomorrow, but I have to go to get my car fixed then I work 2 more days before I finally leave town. Oh but wait this does not include the fact that I have school, a fieldtrip with Aiden's class, and I have a paper due at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow. Then I have some bills that have to be paid this week, a meeting for the kids health care that I have put off for far to long, a ton of laundry, and packing to do. I am so exhausted!

So everyone knows I am supermom and I will get it all done, the bigger issue is having time with my kids. I miss all those times I was able to just sit and cuddle or just watch them play. It was like I was able to see them grow right before me. Now I feel like I am starting to miss so much. But for all the years I have spent being DJ's mom, Dakota's mom, Aiden's mom, and Kylie's mom not to mention the cabinet guy's wife it is finally time for me to find me. Time to do something I wanna do, and be somebody I wanna be.

On the more positive side, someone asked me last night if I had any regrets having kids so young. This is not the first time I have been asked this recently, so here is my anwser. I see so many people who go to college, get a degree, start a career, get married and of course next thing to do is have kids. Then what happens you either have to stop that career you worked so hard for and possibly lose it forever to be a parent, or you can put your kid in daycare and let someone else raise them from the time they are a baby. Not me, I did the mom thing, I watched my babies grow into strong, independant children ready to take on the world. Now I have 3 down and one to go in school (the last one will start school next fall) and I am starting my journey. So do I have regrets?? Not a chance!!

High

I am on this crazy high today, no I do not smoke pot, I meant high on life. I don't even really know why. I feel so happy and content, which is weird cause my life can be really stressful so I am not sure how to take it. So I am sitting here thinking to myself, what did I do different today, cause yeah I would love to feel like this everyday.

I started my morning grabbing my blankie (yes I sleep with a special blankie) and crawling into bed with my daughter. She was sound asleep and so precious and I just lay next to her telling her that she is beautiful and that I love her sooooo much. A little cheesy right? But I love that really cute, kinda goofy little smile she gets and when she says in her little voice, barely awake, "Mama, I love you."

Then it was off to the living room to greet my boys, give them baths and get everyone ready for school. Everyone parted ways and I was off to school too. I found out when I got there that I got an "A" on my first exam of the semester in my criminal procedures class. Then I came home cuddled my babies and put them to bed for their nap.

So there you have it, nothing incredibly exciting, yet here I am happy as can be and soon to be off to work. Maybe it's a sign of things to come.

The Happiest Place on Earth

So for those who know me you know that "random" should be my middle name. I requested next weekend off because my life has become work, school and kids. I really need to break away from the routine. But can I just take a break and do something simple...um no!! So I am going to the happiest place on earth. Yes for those who don't know that means Disneyland!!

I have been trying so hard to take a trip to Disneyland for the past few years. Last time I went was back in November of 2003 and don't get me wrong I had a good time, but being pregnant kinda takes some of the fun away. You know that really big roller coaster at California Adventure? Yeah I got to sit and watch everyone go on it! Fun! So I am so excited to finally get to go and have fun and even better we are gonna go with some friends that I absolutely love. So watch out So Cal here I come.

Now I just have to survive the next week. :0)~~

P.S. No I am not taking the kids!!!!

If your happy and you know it...

You know that friend...we all have one...the one with the "perfect" life? The friend that everytime you call tells you have perfect her relationship is, her kids can do no wrong and everything is just wonderful. That friend that you don't want to share you feelings with or ever cry to because you feel so embarrassed, wondering how you have made these mistakes in your life when a perfect life is out there. I had that friend, you know who you are...come to find out that even when I thought my life was at it's worst, that friend's life, their everyday was worse than those moments I thought were so tough. Even though I was embarrassed about the choices I made that friend was even more embarrassed to share that not only did life suck, but they had lied about it all this time.

This came up today in a conversation with a friend. She was teeling about her friend with the "perfect" life and how sick she is of hearing about it. So here is what I wanna share...to those who are living your so-called perfect life, you don't have to put on a show, friends are here for you but we can't be if you don't tell the truth. And for those who are sick of that friend, stick it out, they might have that moment when it all just falls apart and knowing that you have struggled too will allow them to know they really aren't alone, that friend is gonna need to know they aren't alone.