Divorce!

So at this point the news is out. Dave and I are getting divorced. Not just filing and ending the marriage part actually moving this week. We both have a place and are starting to separate the things we have accumulated over the last 6 years. I know this was my choice and I am really doing okay, but there are those moments it is so weird to me.

Yesterday he called and asked me to open the garage, he wanted to take some stuff over to his new house. We have not really discussed who gets what, neither of us has felt any time has been right to have that talk. So I open the door and go inside. A few minutes later I thought maybe I would go out and say hello. Here I thought he was just taking some of the obvious things that were "his". I find him and three friends out there and half the garage loaded up in three truck loads. UGH!

But this is not a bitter divorce. Yes we have our "I hate you" moments, but overall we are actually getting along better the more we start to separate our lives. I guess it is something we should have considered more a while ago. I love him, something that may never change and he will always be one of my best friends. Yes we were probably one of the most perfect couples years ago, but we have changed. I never had the chance to grow up and find me. I was always someone's wife or mommy. Recently I have had the time to start to find a person deeper than that and sadly who I am is not as compatable with the man he has become. But that doesn't mean either is a bad person.

So we will continue on to see where this road takes us, making our own rules as we go. You all know it has never been like us to follow a path already laid out in front of us. Dave and I tend to see the path and think we can make a better one of our own. So why in the world should that change now?

Enjoy the Ride

There was this time in my life where I was in a "relationship" with someone, we knew it couldn't ever actually go anywhere, but we also knew there was no time limit on how long we could just have our little thing. When it all fell apart it did because he said he would never allow himself to fall in love with me, no matter how much he had feelings for me, because it was pointless knowing we would never stay together.

So today I was talking with a friend and this type of situation was the topic of our discussion. Is it possible or even worth falling in love with someone you can never have in the end?

I say yes. Have you ever gone to a theme park and seen that big huge roller coaster? You see the line is really long and it will take forever to get on, yet you really want to. You know the ride won't last long and when you are off you won't have the time or chance to do it again, which sucks because you will probably want to do it again, but you can only go once. So you make the choice to stand in line for two hours, you get on the ride that lasts 90 seconds, it is the most amazing ride, you adrenaline is pumping like never before, and then the ride ends. You get off and it's time to head home. Yep it's all over and you will never get that chance again. In that moment you realize that even though you can't have that experience again with that roller coaster there is a part of you that is a better person for making that commitment and going for the ride.

So why does love have to be different? You take that chance, spend that time, and fall in love. Even in those moments you know it will never be a permanent thing every experience is one we learn from and one we grow from. Who would you be if you never took those chances?

The Path

Sometimes in life you have to find that path that takes you where you wanna go. Sounds easy right? Not so much. The path never seems to be the easy one to find. So along the way you try the paths you come across. Some right there in the open, some just around a bend and others require you to leap from rock to rock to get to the other side of a creek just to start your journey down a path. But the path you are searching for, that path is much harder to find. Sometimes you need the experiences of those other ways to get you to this path.

I am on this journey. I have gone down so many different paths in my life already, yet still searching for the one. There must be one that will lead me to happiness...you know that happiness that so many talk about? I often wonder how it can be that some people find their way so early in life. Is it the real "way" or just a few good days down that wrong road? Or is it that really their life is not that grand, they just have an amazing way of hiding the truth that is going on in their life?

Don't get me wrong I do not think that life is all negative, and those who know me know that although a may hit a bump in the road I can usually sort through and find the positive in any situation. I just have to wonder why after all that I have conquered in my life, when will it be my time to just be happy?