Rant

Okay all you parents out there, I have a question for you...Why is it that the days before you leave for a vacation without kids and the days right after you get home have to be so damn hard? It's like the kids go crazy the days before you leave just to make it easier for you to want to get away and then they make it hell when you get home just to pay you back for going. Luckily 3 out of the 4 had school today so I only had my emotional, hormonal, terrible 3 year old daughter to deal with, but oh my goodness that girl can talk. Not to mention whine and cry about EVERYTHING!!!!! I had some errands to get done so we were all over the place today and when we got home I took a much needed nap.

So the rest of our day is at the in laws house. We have invited ourselves over for dinner (I am giggling on the inside at the thought of how much they love when I do that!!). It made it easier on everyone since I have a school function to be at in Santa Rosa at 7pm. It gives me some extra adults to help with the kids and gives the kids a change of scenery.

So thanks for reading my quick little rant. I really needed to vent for a minute, now it is back to the never ending homework for me.

Vacation

Guess I should have listened to the guy at work. He is a regular and always reads me my horoscope. He told me last week that it said I was going to be leaving for a trip but things were gonna go wrong. I never listen to that crap, maybe I should have.

Dave and I went to the houseboat on Lake Shasta for a nice weekend away. We got there Saturday night and took the boat out close to Bridge Bay Marina. We had dinner and just enjoyed a nice, quiet and relaxing weekend. The next morning we pumped out the boat, filled the propane and we were off to find the perfect spot to park for the weekend. Well... as we were cruising along a very obnoxious, high pitched sound went off. We tried desperately to find out why and couldn't. We called my father-in-law and he gave is some suggestions, only to find out that the water pump went out on the out drive. This causes the motor to overheat. So we had to shut it off and float the boat in the middle of the lake. We made some calls for help but not much came of that, at least not for a while. So the thought was to let the boat cool back to 140 degrees where it should be and then we would head back towards the marina. When the temp went back up we would find a place to park the boat for the night in hopes that help would come by morning.

Well we waited, and waited, and waited, checking the temp periodically, like watching a pot boil there seemed to be no change. Not much to do from the middle of the lake. We played games, read some magazines and took a nap. After about 6 hours the temp was finally down. So Dave started the boat and we were on our way. Well we got about 100 feet and the temp was right back up to 240 again. There was smoke coming from the engine and everything. So we had to just wait.

Not long after a boat came from the marina to tow us in and we were stuck in that marina for the rest of our "vacation". Fun right???

I have to say, I realized why Dave and I are together this weekend. Maybe it's because things always seem to go wrong when we are together, but we know how to make the best of it. We can laugh about anything and aside from being stranded and never getting to swim or hike or go shooting, we still had fun. We needed a weekend to remind us what our marriage was all about!!

Where's Waldo...ok Where's Tammy?

So I am off on my weekend away, but not at the "Happiest Place on Earth". That trip has officially been postponed till November. Why? Well because the guilt of not taking our children kinda took over and we decided to wait a little l, plan better and take at least some of the kids with us. Honestly, I don't think I would have enjoyed Disneyland as much as I would have liked to. I am so tired and really just needed a break, time to rest and regroup so I can survive the next month.

So that leaves the question to where am I? Kinda like "Where's Waldo?" Although some of you know where I am let's make a little guessing game out of this. Where do you think I am?? I will post an anwser tomorrow. Hint: I should come home with a nice tan cause the weather is amazing here and I have no kids to interrupt.

Contentment

Yesterday Aiden was very upset with me because I was not going to be home for dinner again. I promised him I would bring him home some chocolate cake we could share to make up for it. Thing is I felt bad with the thought that he would not get to have his cake till the next night while I was back at work yet again. So you can imagine how happy I was when the boss said I could go home early last night. Early...meaning I was cut from the floor at 7:30pm and left at 8pm and home by 8:35pm. My kids were all still awake, in bed (except Aiden), but awake. It has been so long since I have been able to hug my kids goodnight that I made a point of going in a cuddling each one of them. Then I happily went and shared some chocolate cake with Aiden before he was off to bed too. I don't think there are words that can express the contentment (is that even a word? Who knows, I like it!!) I felt being able to tuck them all in.

So this morning it was up and out the door before anyone was awake to be at school at 7:30am. I have felt a little defeated at school because I got a 14/20 on my first essay, all because I forgot to mention the case law in the paper, I referred to it but I didn't specifically state it. I have maintained a 4.0 GPA after 3 semesters and "C" papers are not the way. So can be sure I am going to take up the offer to do any extra credit the teacher offers. Last class he posted that for extra credit we could volunteer to role play at the police academy. So I called and set up my days to role play, 5 days to be exact, yes in my free time. So I had a little confidence boost this morning when I asked if there was extra credit for each day I volunteered and the teacher told me, "We will work something out, not that you need it," this said with a smile. I have taken a class with him before, so he knows me and how much my education means, but this class had a prereq I hadn't taken and I had to petition to get in. He signed off on it for me with the agreement that I would take the prereq class concurrently. So needless to say there is a part of me that feels like I have to prove myself in this class. Oh and by the way I already turned in the second essay and I remembered to add 800 E.C. as the statute in the paper, for those who don't know that is the Opinion Evidence rule in the Evidence Code.

Distracted

Not sure if it because I am so tired or just having an odd week, but last night I was so ADD. We went to the Giants game and it seemed to go from a night at the ball game to more of a "people watching" event, at least for me. It was like every time someone said something anywhere around me my head would spin around to see who was talking. Not because I was nosey or really cared about what they were saying, more because there was this magnetic force turning my head around. Then I couldn't help but watch every single person walk down the stairs. It is really comical to witness. You know that guy that is just trying so hard not to spill his beer, or the one that can't seem to find his seat? Even worse is the fact that everyone seems to be bull-legged as they walk down. Which then made me so self conscious of how I walked down the stairs. Then there was this lady walking up and down holding a sign that said something like "Giants Baseball Games 2008", she went up and down every aisle just like the guys that sell all the peanuts and sodas, with the pagent girl smile. When she came by us the guy next to me asked what she was selling and she didn't even respond, like she was in a trance. And last, but certainly not least, was the guy selling Coke and Crackerjacks, he had a little slip up...he stopped right next to my seat to yell, "Coke and Crack", the he turned really red when he realized his mistake, not to mention the fact that he couldn't even keep a straight face as he walked back by.

So there you have it, see you don't have to like baseball to be amused at the game. Thing is I actually like to go and watch the game, I just couldn't seem to do it this time.

Life In The Fast Lane

I think I actually remember a time when life was somewhat simple. When I knew what was coming from day to day. Being a stay home mom it was so much easier to plan things out and follow through, or to just have those days where you just stayed home. I really thought I missed being at work and out of the house. Don't get me wrong I am not in any way trying to say the life of a stay home mom is simple, just that for me it was simpler than where I am right now.

I have worked the last 4 days and I have to work tonight. I finally have a day off tomorrow, but I have to go to get my car fixed then I work 2 more days before I finally leave town. Oh but wait this does not include the fact that I have school, a fieldtrip with Aiden's class, and I have a paper due at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow. Then I have some bills that have to be paid this week, a meeting for the kids health care that I have put off for far to long, a ton of laundry, and packing to do. I am so exhausted!

So everyone knows I am supermom and I will get it all done, the bigger issue is having time with my kids. I miss all those times I was able to just sit and cuddle or just watch them play. It was like I was able to see them grow right before me. Now I feel like I am starting to miss so much. But for all the years I have spent being DJ's mom, Dakota's mom, Aiden's mom, and Kylie's mom not to mention the cabinet guy's wife it is finally time for me to find me. Time to do something I wanna do, and be somebody I wanna be.

On the more positive side, someone asked me last night if I had any regrets having kids so young. This is not the first time I have been asked this recently, so here is my anwser. I see so many people who go to college, get a degree, start a career, get married and of course next thing to do is have kids. Then what happens you either have to stop that career you worked so hard for and possibly lose it forever to be a parent, or you can put your kid in daycare and let someone else raise them from the time they are a baby. Not me, I did the mom thing, I watched my babies grow into strong, independant children ready to take on the world. Now I have 3 down and one to go in school (the last one will start school next fall) and I am starting my journey. So do I have regrets?? Not a chance!!

High

I am on this crazy high today, no I do not smoke pot, I meant high on life. I don't even really know why. I feel so happy and content, which is weird cause my life can be really stressful so I am not sure how to take it. So I am sitting here thinking to myself, what did I do different today, cause yeah I would love to feel like this everyday.

I started my morning grabbing my blankie (yes I sleep with a special blankie) and crawling into bed with my daughter. She was sound asleep and so precious and I just lay next to her telling her that she is beautiful and that I love her sooooo much. A little cheesy right? But I love that really cute, kinda goofy little smile she gets and when she says in her little voice, barely awake, "Mama, I love you."

Then it was off to the living room to greet my boys, give them baths and get everyone ready for school. Everyone parted ways and I was off to school too. I found out when I got there that I got an "A" on my first exam of the semester in my criminal procedures class. Then I came home cuddled my babies and put them to bed for their nap.

So there you have it, nothing incredibly exciting, yet here I am happy as can be and soon to be off to work. Maybe it's a sign of things to come.

The Happiest Place on Earth

So for those who know me you know that "random" should be my middle name. I requested next weekend off because my life has become work, school and kids. I really need to break away from the routine. But can I just take a break and do something simple...um no!! So I am going to the happiest place on earth. Yes for those who don't know that means Disneyland!!

I have been trying so hard to take a trip to Disneyland for the past few years. Last time I went was back in November of 2003 and don't get me wrong I had a good time, but being pregnant kinda takes some of the fun away. You know that really big roller coaster at California Adventure? Yeah I got to sit and watch everyone go on it! Fun! So I am so excited to finally get to go and have fun and even better we are gonna go with some friends that I absolutely love. So watch out So Cal here I come.

Now I just have to survive the next week. :0)~~

P.S. No I am not taking the kids!!!!

If your happy and you know it...

You know that friend...we all have one...the one with the "perfect" life? The friend that everytime you call tells you have perfect her relationship is, her kids can do no wrong and everything is just wonderful. That friend that you don't want to share you feelings with or ever cry to because you feel so embarrassed, wondering how you have made these mistakes in your life when a perfect life is out there. I had that friend, you know who you are...come to find out that even when I thought my life was at it's worst, that friend's life, their everyday was worse than those moments I thought were so tough. Even though I was embarrassed about the choices I made that friend was even more embarrassed to share that not only did life suck, but they had lied about it all this time.

This came up today in a conversation with a friend. She was teeling about her friend with the "perfect" life and how sick she is of hearing about it. So here is what I wanna share...to those who are living your so-called perfect life, you don't have to put on a show, friends are here for you but we can't be if you don't tell the truth. And for those who are sick of that friend, stick it out, they might have that moment when it all just falls apart and knowing that you have struggled too will allow them to know they really aren't alone, that friend is gonna need to know they aren't alone.