End of the School Year

The school year has ended leaving me with a preschooler, kindergartner, 3rd grader and a 5th grader. Yes all 4 will be in school, what a big year we have ahead. Here are a few pics from the last day of school for the boys.

Aiden graduates preschool.

Dakota finished 2nd grade and had a wonderful year.

And DJ finished 4th grade is is going into his last year before junior high.

What I have learned this school year from my children is this... 1) Doesn't matter how many kids you have you still tear up when they graduate preschool. 2) An autistic child can be absolutely amazing and grow into his own with each year without all the crap and therapy everyone thinks you should put them through. 3) A little boy will always be his mommy's boy even when as he grows up and goes into the last year of elementary school. 4) A little girl may be your baby but you can't stop her from getting older, she just has to be a bigger baby girl. 5) No matter how tough it is to be a mommy, it is by far the most rewarding job ever! I am so proud of each of my children and who they are growing up to be each day.

Let summer begin!

Doing Well

I can't believe that the semester is almost at an end, and I will have finished another semester as a college student. This was a tough one and my 4.0 GPA is gone with the wind, but the important thing is that I made it through despite all the tough things that happened in my life. So next week I have my finals and then I have decided to take the summer off and just regroup. Then when fall comes I will be back at it again.

The kids are good and adjusting really well to all the changes that have occurred. We are looking forward to all of our usual summer outings and just having time together. Then with the end of summer comes some big step for all the kids too. DJ will enter his last year in elementary school being a 5th grader. Dakota will continue on his journey as a 3rd grader. Aiden makes the giant leap into kindergarten, he gets to go to school with his brothers. And little Miss Kylie will start preschool. They are all doing so well and really looking forward to what is to come, and Dave and I are so incredibly proud of them.

My new home is turning out to be a great choice. Aside from being a bit of a drive from everywhere I need to be, I am making it all work out. My roommate is awesome, and really working with me on having the kids over. The kids love having him as a new friend in their life and it has really helped make the transition smoother.

Aiden has almost completed his first year of baseball. He was lucky enough to have his Daddy and the head coach and his Mommy as team mom. Yet another thing that has really helped with the changes in our lives, it has allowed Aiden to see that no matter what Dave and I will always be there and that we can work together as a team. He has 3 more games before it is over and we may move on to soccer next.

So there you have it, a bit of an update on our lives. We are still facing some challenges, but we are doing our best to keep those between the adults and sheltering the kids from the stressful situations.

Finding Peace

Well here I sit...yes sit. Those who know me know that I don't get to just sit very often. I have been so busy lately that I needed a moment to just sit. I am doing really well, settling into my new life and really finding peace and comfort with it all. School in hectic, but it is starting to wind down to the end of the semester. Sadly my 4.0 GPA went away this year, but through all the chaos I am still passing all my classes.

So I have taken the time to strip down everything in my life, all in an attempt to simplify things, and I am slowly rebuilding it all again. There is this sense of peace that I feel with each day that goes by. Not to say that I don't struggle or have moments where I just want to cry, but it all seems to be coming together better and faster than I had planned.

So to all those who have been here, through each moment that has passed, thank you for your unconditional love and support. To those who had their doubts, you probably always will, good for you, maybe someday you too will find peace in your life and not think so negative of everyone else.

Divorce!

So at this point the news is out. Dave and I are getting divorced. Not just filing and ending the marriage part actually moving this week. We both have a place and are starting to separate the things we have accumulated over the last 6 years. I know this was my choice and I am really doing okay, but there are those moments it is so weird to me.

Yesterday he called and asked me to open the garage, he wanted to take some stuff over to his new house. We have not really discussed who gets what, neither of us has felt any time has been right to have that talk. So I open the door and go inside. A few minutes later I thought maybe I would go out and say hello. Here I thought he was just taking some of the obvious things that were "his". I find him and three friends out there and half the garage loaded up in three truck loads. UGH!

But this is not a bitter divorce. Yes we have our "I hate you" moments, but overall we are actually getting along better the more we start to separate our lives. I guess it is something we should have considered more a while ago. I love him, something that may never change and he will always be one of my best friends. Yes we were probably one of the most perfect couples years ago, but we have changed. I never had the chance to grow up and find me. I was always someone's wife or mommy. Recently I have had the time to start to find a person deeper than that and sadly who I am is not as compatable with the man he has become. But that doesn't mean either is a bad person.

So we will continue on to see where this road takes us, making our own rules as we go. You all know it has never been like us to follow a path already laid out in front of us. Dave and I tend to see the path and think we can make a better one of our own. So why in the world should that change now?

Enjoy the Ride

There was this time in my life where I was in a "relationship" with someone, we knew it couldn't ever actually go anywhere, but we also knew there was no time limit on how long we could just have our little thing. When it all fell apart it did because he said he would never allow himself to fall in love with me, no matter how much he had feelings for me, because it was pointless knowing we would never stay together.

So today I was talking with a friend and this type of situation was the topic of our discussion. Is it possible or even worth falling in love with someone you can never have in the end?

I say yes. Have you ever gone to a theme park and seen that big huge roller coaster? You see the line is really long and it will take forever to get on, yet you really want to. You know the ride won't last long and when you are off you won't have the time or chance to do it again, which sucks because you will probably want to do it again, but you can only go once. So you make the choice to stand in line for two hours, you get on the ride that lasts 90 seconds, it is the most amazing ride, you adrenaline is pumping like never before, and then the ride ends. You get off and it's time to head home. Yep it's all over and you will never get that chance again. In that moment you realize that even though you can't have that experience again with that roller coaster there is a part of you that is a better person for making that commitment and going for the ride.

So why does love have to be different? You take that chance, spend that time, and fall in love. Even in those moments you know it will never be a permanent thing every experience is one we learn from and one we grow from. Who would you be if you never took those chances?

The Path

Sometimes in life you have to find that path that takes you where you wanna go. Sounds easy right? Not so much. The path never seems to be the easy one to find. So along the way you try the paths you come across. Some right there in the open, some just around a bend and others require you to leap from rock to rock to get to the other side of a creek just to start your journey down a path. But the path you are searching for, that path is much harder to find. Sometimes you need the experiences of those other ways to get you to this path.

I am on this journey. I have gone down so many different paths in my life already, yet still searching for the one. There must be one that will lead me to happiness...you know that happiness that so many talk about? I often wonder how it can be that some people find their way so early in life. Is it the real "way" or just a few good days down that wrong road? Or is it that really their life is not that grand, they just have an amazing way of hiding the truth that is going on in their life?

Don't get me wrong I do not think that life is all negative, and those who know me know that although a may hit a bump in the road I can usually sort through and find the positive in any situation. I just have to wonder why after all that I have conquered in my life, when will it be my time to just be happy?

I Am 29!

29...what is the significance of being 29? So many people revert back to that age when asked how old they are. I mean what 50 year old says they are 33 when asked their age? So what is it about 29?

Is it the the 20's are the link between childhood and adulthood. 29 being the last year would be important in your life.

Or is it that the 20's are quit possibly the biggest character defining decade of you whole life? Most people go into their 20's ready to party, become legal, and...well follow what comes. By the end of your 20's most seem to be on a path in the direction that they will follow for most of their life.

Whatever the significance is I hope that 29 is a year to remember, full of the best memories of my life. I mean if I am going to use that age for the rest of my life, I want it to be the best year ever!