So at this point the news is out. Dave and I are getting divorced. Not just filing and ending the marriage part actually moving this week. We both have a place and are starting to separate the things we have accumulated over the last 6 years. I know this was my choice and I am really doing okay, but there are those moments it is so weird to me.
Yesterday he called and asked me to open the garage, he wanted to take some stuff over to his new house. We have not really discussed who gets what, neither of us has felt any time has been right to have that talk. So I open the door and go inside. A few minutes later I thought maybe I would go out and say hello. Here I thought he was just taking some of the obvious things that were "his". I find him and three friends out there and half the garage loaded up in three truck loads. UGH!
But this is not a bitter divorce. Yes we have our "I hate you" moments, but overall we are actually getting along better the more we start to separate our lives. I guess it is something we should have considered more a while ago. I love him, something that may never change and he will always be one of my best friends. Yes we were probably one of the most perfect couples years ago, but we have changed. I never had the chance to grow up and find me. I was always someone's wife or mommy. Recently I have had the time to start to find a person deeper than that and sadly who I am is not as compatable with the man he has become. But that doesn't mean either is a bad person.
So we will continue on to see where this road takes us, making our own rules as we go. You all know it has never been like us to follow a path already laid out in front of us. Dave and I tend to see the path and think we can make a better one of our own. So why in the world should that change now?
This is me!
About Me
- Mom of 4
- What do you wanna know?? I am divorced, I have 4 kids, going to school and back to work after 5 years. I am working on finding the balance in it all and honestly enjoying the ride!!
5 comments:
and the world wonders...what about the kids? you write "have always been someones wife or mommy...."
I knew this day was coming and it saddens me. I feel for your children and the instability in their young lives. How many times have your children moved to new house?
David isn't the only adult in the marriage that has changed. The biggest change to your life was the day you became a mother. Going to school, working and blogging doesn't leave much time for them and right now they need you more than ever with the situation you have placed them in.
I wish everyone nothing but the best and hope the focus will return to the kids and their well being.
Mmm. Tammy I don't know if you know who left the last comment but I would like to speak directly to what they said. Seems to me that they claim to know you well enough to "see it coming" but if that was the case they would know that you are and have been totally focused on your children through this whole thing. In my opinion you stayed a lot longer than I would have (beating a dead horse) for your children. They would have heard you are making the largest sacafice I could imagine being without them at night. No divorce ever goes unnoticed by children and no child goes through a divorce untouched by the stress and pain. However, being in a relationship with fighting and name calling and control issues is doing more damage. Tammy you are on the right track. I am sorry you have been forced to watch your family fall apart. Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty for getting an education, spending time with friends, and "blogging". You are becoming a stronger smarter Tammy and building qualities that your sons will seek in their future wives and your daughter will mirror. As for the time you spend with them-again if this person knew you they would be on your myspace page and see the photos ever week of your friday fieldtrips, stories of Team Mom for baseball, trips to dance/gymnastics, and all the countless photos of your kids being wonderful and cute and loved. If this person knew you they would know that who you have become since starting school has made you a better friend and a better mother. Good luck and keep your head up. Your real friends are supporting you.
Dear Tammy, I've been where you are and know how much of a strain this whole process is. What I learned is that everything works out in time. Your kids know they are loved by a whole lotta people, and they will be fine. Too bad that some folks have to make out like they know what you "should" do; pay 'em no mind, they aren't walking in your shoes.
Hugs from Corea, ~ Sil
your friends are so dead wrong. All they know is your side of things; not both sides. Or the recordings of how nasty you are with your family, the way you threaten and how you use your kids. Sure you friends support you cause they only know your side. And for everyone's information, I have walked in Tammy's shoes, and endured her drama and so much more. I have recordings of her vile ways. And you bet I know her best, I gave life to her. I know her and she knows that I do. Which is exactly why she only wants her side her heard. Can't change facts no matter what. As the saying goes "don't throw stones at glass houses" which Tammy has done her whole life. I know this first hand.
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