Rainy Day Schedule

I love the rain....I love the excuse to just wear sweats, sit around cuddled up in a blanket, watch tv....RELAX. Watching cars drive by as the mist blows up behind them, hearing the pouring rain hitting the rooftop.

I love to walk with the kids and jump in puddles, something so simple so many overlook. Why is it that most hate when they come across a puddle....have you ever stopped and just jumped in? It's not an everyday thing, we all have days we are not in "puddle jumping attire", but it's something everyone should do every now and then.

I love the wind blowing the trees and the leaves. The way they all just flutter around can be so memorizing if you just stop and stare.

And most of all I love my little girl and her precious voice as she tells me the things that pop up in her mind as we sit here. She is drawing a picture and telling me stories and we sit here on our rainy day schedule.

Smiling

What is in a relationship....when I was in elementary school a boy would come and say, "Will you be my girlfriend?" It was so simple. Now we are adults and I guess a label really doesn't matter, but I am a "need to know" girl. I have to know where things stand all along the way...to an extent. I say this all in fun, because I am learning each day that I don't need the label (not right now, I can wait), I need the actions, after all don't actions speak louder than words?

So I know I have not talked about any relationships since my divorce, but we have been apart for just over 6 months, and let's face it I am gonna have other relationships....so I am going to slowly come out of my shell and talk about my life....SLOWLY!

I have this man, this amazing man, he makes me smile, makes me feel wanted, loves spending time with me.....makes me happy. I deserve that, to be happy again. But we are, in words, "just friends". I mean it has been two months, and we are comfortable (he farts around me now! haha) but not quite to the full commitment. The last couple weeks has been tough, but he has been my rock and as I sit here in his jacket I just smile...you can't see me but I am smiling.

Here At Good

I made it here, through ups and downs, I did it. I did this, what I am going through, it was all my choice. So I took it on and made it here. Now I struggle with a new hurdle, one that is very much out of my control and scarier than anything else I could ever come across. I am strong and I will get through this one too.

I have some great things going for me, things to make me smile everyday. Things that are so big it would take a natural disaster to bring me down. I am learning very quickly that life is too short for harsh words, and fighting, and tears.

So since I have been gone for a while I will say, my divorced is final, I am a Colera again, my ex is amazing, he is the best daddy and a strong man....through all his hurt he is there, when I really need him he is there, I couldn't really ask for more. My kids are doing very well, each enjoying school and making us proud everyday. DJ is in band, Dakota is a step closer to being independant, Aiden is advanced is some aspects of kindergarten, and Kylie took to preschool like a champ.

My New World (Dedicated to Sarah and Carrie)

I walked into this new life not knowing which way the wind would blow. I have been happy, sad, surpirsed, and sared out of my mind. I have spent days thinking that if I would have just stayed with him I would have been ok....really would I be ok?? Is listening to a man yell at me and put me down ok? Is it worth hearing that just to have some financial stability?? Here is what I have found.....

I have friends who will listen to me cry, cheer me on in those moments when I muster the strength to push through those tough times and celebrate those wonderful moments that come more often then I was expecting.

I have children who love me even on the days that I feel like the world is falling apart. When I can't take anymore and just lay down and cry they hold me the way I have held them so many times. They share their lives and their toys and their happiness with me, they run laps around the track with me when I feel like I need to get in shape, and no matter what the days bring they walk beside me and give me strength.

I have men, amazing men...that are my friends first and yes some are more here and there, but always there for whatever I need.

I have a job that I have worked hard at and I love. A boss that knows that life brings some crazy ups and downs, and does all he can to be flexible and allow me to grow, never faulting me for being human.

And best of all I have me! I have times when I can just come home curl up in bed with my blankie and a movie and just relax. Or times when I can drive out to the coast and take a walk and continue the never ending journey of finding myself.

So I walked away from so much when I left my marriage, but I walked into a world that is MINE... a world I can mold into anything I want. I am a determined women and no one can take my dreams from me...so look out world, here I come.

End of the School Year

The school year has ended leaving me with a preschooler, kindergartner, 3rd grader and a 5th grader. Yes all 4 will be in school, what a big year we have ahead. Here are a few pics from the last day of school for the boys.

Aiden graduates preschool.

Dakota finished 2nd grade and had a wonderful year.

And DJ finished 4th grade is is going into his last year before junior high.

What I have learned this school year from my children is this... 1) Doesn't matter how many kids you have you still tear up when they graduate preschool. 2) An autistic child can be absolutely amazing and grow into his own with each year without all the crap and therapy everyone thinks you should put them through. 3) A little boy will always be his mommy's boy even when as he grows up and goes into the last year of elementary school. 4) A little girl may be your baby but you can't stop her from getting older, she just has to be a bigger baby girl. 5) No matter how tough it is to be a mommy, it is by far the most rewarding job ever! I am so proud of each of my children and who they are growing up to be each day.

Let summer begin!

Doing Well

I can't believe that the semester is almost at an end, and I will have finished another semester as a college student. This was a tough one and my 4.0 GPA is gone with the wind, but the important thing is that I made it through despite all the tough things that happened in my life. So next week I have my finals and then I have decided to take the summer off and just regroup. Then when fall comes I will be back at it again.

The kids are good and adjusting really well to all the changes that have occurred. We are looking forward to all of our usual summer outings and just having time together. Then with the end of summer comes some big step for all the kids too. DJ will enter his last year in elementary school being a 5th grader. Dakota will continue on his journey as a 3rd grader. Aiden makes the giant leap into kindergarten, he gets to go to school with his brothers. And little Miss Kylie will start preschool. They are all doing so well and really looking forward to what is to come, and Dave and I are so incredibly proud of them.

My new home is turning out to be a great choice. Aside from being a bit of a drive from everywhere I need to be, I am making it all work out. My roommate is awesome, and really working with me on having the kids over. The kids love having him as a new friend in their life and it has really helped make the transition smoother.

Aiden has almost completed his first year of baseball. He was lucky enough to have his Daddy and the head coach and his Mommy as team mom. Yet another thing that has really helped with the changes in our lives, it has allowed Aiden to see that no matter what Dave and I will always be there and that we can work together as a team. He has 3 more games before it is over and we may move on to soccer next.

So there you have it, a bit of an update on our lives. We are still facing some challenges, but we are doing our best to keep those between the adults and sheltering the kids from the stressful situations.

Finding Peace

Well here I sit...yes sit. Those who know me know that I don't get to just sit very often. I have been so busy lately that I needed a moment to just sit. I am doing really well, settling into my new life and really finding peace and comfort with it all. School in hectic, but it is starting to wind down to the end of the semester. Sadly my 4.0 GPA went away this year, but through all the chaos I am still passing all my classes.

So I have taken the time to strip down everything in my life, all in an attempt to simplify things, and I am slowly rebuilding it all again. There is this sense of peace that I feel with each day that goes by. Not to say that I don't struggle or have moments where I just want to cry, but it all seems to be coming together better and faster than I had planned.

So to all those who have been here, through each moment that has passed, thank you for your unconditional love and support. To those who had their doubts, you probably always will, good for you, maybe someday you too will find peace in your life and not think so negative of everyone else.